Thursday, 24 November 2016

The Raven

The moonlight shimmers across her dark starry eyes, glittering and dazzling against the night sky. It dances and flits, slipping across the glistening surface like ice skaters across a rink. Gliding, effortlessly, easily, in recurring patterns that change and break and refract and reform. I am lost in those eyes, in the vision of beauty held captive for a moment before me, reflected, I know, in my own eyes. In that second my heart breaks, shatters into a thousand pieces like a broken crystal, spraying across the floor in a thousand deadly glittering shards. This is pain. This is what it really feels like to hurt. But at the exact same time it mends, healing and growing, the tiny cells and particles reaching out to each other and sewing themselves back together, welcoming their broken halves with open arms. This is joy, beauty, happiness. This is what it really feels like to love. I am still, in the thick oily darkness of night. And although I am clothed I am naked as a new born child, stripped bare in front of the eyes of the universe, staring out at me from a face I am sure cannot simply be from this earth. Her moonlight eyes shine down upon me, asking me over and over a question that I cannot answer. My mind turns over on itself, folding and crumpling like an unwanted piece of paper, with a crackle and a rustle barely audible even to my own ears. She is everywhere, all around me, filling the space both outside and inside of me, filling me up like a noxious gas, entering through my mouth, my nose, my eyes, my ears. I am lost in her eyes, drowning in a beauty my tired brain cannot begin to comprehend. Is this it? I feel like this is it, as if some door has been opened and I've been allowed, for a brief second, to gaze upon the wonders of the universe, to access all the secrets of life. Yet as I stand here gazing into her moonlit eyes, drinking in all the secrets they hold, I find I cannot begin to comprehend any of it. I am being offered that which I can never hope to attain, for the simply chemistry in my brain does not allow it, will not allow it. I am lost, wallowing in a pit of information I cannot hope to glean, full of the sorrows of heartbreak and the joys of love. I am at the same time one with all around me, and yet so distant that I may as well be lost in the vast openness of space, wandering and alone. Yet even the feeling gives me leave to wonder, after all I have seen today, if even space is as empty as it may at first seem to our eyes. Maybe we simply do not have the eyes to see, and so we are unable to perceive what stands before us, in front of us, all around us. I am falling. I can feel it now, the motion slipping past my inconsequential body, like soft silk passing across my dry skin. Down I go, further and further, slowly tumbling through the darkness surrounding me like a thick black cloth blocking the light, like a raven obscuring me from sight wrapping my body in it's many black feathers. I let myself fall, it is not such a bad feeling really, quite calming, relaxing, almost like sinking into a hot bath. Let the raven take me, I think, let the raven take me.
I blink and I am back in my body, standing across the hall from the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, watching the moonlight dance across her dark starry eyes.

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